Having grasped the concept that an eventful life was indeed normal, I started wondering why I had this mindset. To wrap my head around this misunderstanding of normality seemed hopeless. How could I change my thinking? Was it even possible? Then, by accident, I discovered this book titled “The Secrets of the Millionaire Mind” by T. Harv Eker. In his book, Eker shared numerous stories of people who had a hard time with money. With every example he explained how these people would sabotage themselves because of their mindset. He helped them find the origin of their mindset then taught them how counter their distorted thoughts and permanently change their life for the better.
You know how it is often said that our issues are all our parents’ fault. Well, it’s not wrong. It’s common knowledge that our environment influences our behavior, and our behavior is a solid sign of our mindset. Where does this influence originate? Our home life, of course. Many of us we heard the following:
“Money doesn’t grow on trees.”
“What am I, made of money?”
“We can’t afford that.”
These lessons got us thinking money is hard to come by. A great number of families struggled just to have the ability to pay for the basic needs and because of it sacrifices were made. Some kids had to go without Christmas. Others had to skip meals because there wasn’t enough food in the house. Those kids grew up with the goal of being successful so that they won’t have to worry about expenses. At the same time, the same adults are taught the very thing that interferes with the results of that goal. The first misconception is that success equaled “rich”. The next misconceptions were the following:
“Rich people are selfish, greedy, shallow, and arrogant.”
“Rich people got their money through deceit and treachery.”
“Those people were born rich.”
With these contradictions it’s no wonder we are confused about what we want. As a result, we set ourselves up for failure. And these inconsistencies are not restricted to money. Other parts of our lives are affected as well. It applies to love, virtues, and morals, even health. For me, it was Life Experience.
So, the question became, “what part of my life brought me to the conclusion that all these life adventures just don’t happen?”
After some self-reflection and deep meditation understanding began to present itself. Since I grew up in a foster home from a very young age (I don’t remember ever not living in a foster home), I wasn’t treated as a normal kid. I was different and the kids in school starting from elementary felt the need to “remind” me almost daily. So, I accepted that I would never be normal let alone special like the other kids. Those kids went on vacation. Those kids went to summer camp. Those kids played sports. The kids who played instruments played the ones they wanted. (I wanted to play flute, but I was forced to play clarinet and my clarinet skills were horrendous.) Not me. I was a foster kid. Foster kids don’t get to do that kind of stuff.
My now late foster parents were an older couple. Old enough to survive the hopelessness of the Great Depression and horrors of World War 2. I guess they figured they lived through enough that traveling or special events just weren’t on their itinerary of life. Or at least that’s what it seemed like. They had the money they just didn’t do it. Yes, there were birthdays and Christmas, but vacations just didn’t happen save for one flight to visit family. I did have two vacations to visit my biological dad in another state, but he paid for that, not my foster parents. I’ve never been out of the country (with the two exeptions of the twenty minute drive to Tijuana, Mexico for three hours of cheap shopping) let alone across the ocean. The closest thing to special occasions was going out to dinner. So, besides the distorted thought of being an underprivileged foster kid I thought that since my foster parents didn’t do anything special that an uneventful life was normal. Well, it was normal for a couple of that era but not for the generations after that. Now, with that realization I wonder, “Am I too late to even begin fulfilling my lifelong dreams?”
Cultivating Elegance 